Friday, April 29, 2011

Y is for Yes! We have no bananas.

This was my favorite drum solo, this song. I can't find it online though, at least the marching band version with the rocking drumline. You'll have to use your imagination.

I leave you instead with Black Betty, which for some reason I've been hearing a lot lately. That has to mean something, but only God or the Devil knows what. Probably the latter.

Yes! We have no bananas, was my favorite because there wasn't a drum score, and since I was first chair drummer, I got to write the music and play the tri-toms (the three drums) and we really jammed out, at least that's what we and the tuba players thought.

YES! This post is lame.

One of the tuba players laughed at me once. I threw a drumstick down her tuba and it got stuck and we had to take her tuba apart right before we marched onto the field.

We wrote a Christmas concert drum solo that brought the audience to their feet. I'm not sure that had ever been done. Freakin rocked.

Once me and one of the other snares traded off for about 30 minutes in a continuous drum roll because we began the National Anthem and the flag wasn't ready. It's a buzz roll, not a two-stroke, and we buzzed until our forearms ached, nodded at the other, and he took over. Once you start the roll, even though the director flagged us to stop, you can't stop.

Because you do NOT stop the Anthem. Ever. I mean, you don't stop fighting, do you?

Another time the band director pissed us off, the drummers, by saying we were too loud. I told the snares to play a click-march onto the field rather than our normal cadence -- which I wrote, and which freaking JAMMED, even the black guys thought so, even the black guys from the OTHER BANDS asked us where we got our cadences, during contests after our drumline beat their ASS and they couldn't believe a white boy could play them tri-toms like that, because I embellished every single song I played while all these other jerkies followed the music sheet without modification (lame), and we didn't play those stupid hand-writ cadences the director gave us -- and the band director got really pissed but never again said we played too loud.

Because really, can drums ever be too loud? Like saying a woman is too sexy or you've had too much beer and sex and rock and roll. It ain't possible, because more is more is more.

I would've made a helluva a drummer, folks. One helluva a drummer. I tell my wife to forget that lead guitar wannabe lamo. The sexiest guy in the band is ALWAYS the drummer. I forget which band it was, but they said they went through three drummers. The first one kept stealing the women from the lead singer. The second tore up the tour bus.

And who is the most memorable Muppet? Why, it's ANIMAL, of course! Want WOMAN! The drummer boy in chains and spiked collar, because aren't we all!

The KORN drummer plays shirtless, always. That's how I always said I'd play and that's why I stopped drumming. It was too much drug for me, the crack cocaine of life to which I would be addicted and never, never, never ever stop drumming.

Naked women, sorry, you are not so beautiful as a spread-open trap set into which I penetrate and gyrate in endless orgasm. I will give up one for the other every time without temptation because drums are always willing and become angrier and louder with the taking.

Now you know.

End post.

You have any band stories? Come on, one time, at band camp...

- Eric

(That last part is for my poetic friends, Annie and Tracy. It's poetry, yes, deserving of props, yo?)


Sylvia Ney said...

NOOOO! Now, I'm gonna have that song in my head ALL day! My husband is a drummer. He used to play with several bands, but he's been taking a break lately. I'm so glad I found your blog! I'm stopping by from the A to Z challenge and I look forward to visiting again.

Anonymous said...

Good for you! Stand up to those evil tuba players. I wasn;t in band so I don;t have any stories to tell.

Wine and Words said...

HELL YES PROPS! "Become angrier and louder with the taking." Damn that's primal, and poetic, and sexy as hell. Nicely done Eric :)

I got to sing with one of the best bands in our area. I mean I've really wanted to for a long time...been kind of a groupie truth be told! So one night he calls me from the mic, "Come sing with us." I demure. I really am rather shy. He insists. I go up there, grab the mic and slowly slide down against the wall until I am sitting on the floor as we start the first verse of Eagles Lyin' Eyes. Before the chorus the drummer points at me with his stick and says, "Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is a true background singer!" They made me stand up next song. Damn it.

dolorah said...

"The sexiest guy in the band is ALWAYS the drummer."

Says it all Dude :)

My favorite drum battle is Godsmack, Sully and Shannon on percussions. See, now I have to go play it again . .

My youngest son is totally into Black Betty right now. He can't seem to get on the computer without playing it. It is a good song.


Cindy said...

One time at band camp... I got a horrible sunburn. A lot. A lot of sun burn.

Also, I tried locking my knees to pass out but apparently that only works for some people.

I had some great arms and shoulders in high school, because mellophones are freaking heavy.

Yep, my comment is also LAME.

Phoenix said...

Props, MAD PROPS, to you, my friend. Who doesn't think drummers are always the sexiest members of the band? Those people are crazy. I worship at the drum set of John Bonham and Tommy Lee and, hell, even that one armed guy from Def Leppard. Hey, he could still drum.

Maybe we can make an exception for the Beatles, because Ringo was mostly pointless and George is my favorite? Other than that I am always solidly on Team Hot Shirtless Drummer.

Awesome, hilarious post, Eric. You are badass in every way.