Wednesday, April 6, 2011

E is for Ex-Sex

Would You Could You Sex Your Ex

An original poem by Eric Trant, circa 2004

Would you could you sex your ex?
Would you could you make a mess?

Would you could you in a car?
Would you could you in a bar?

I would not could not in a car!
I would not could not in a bar!

I do not like sex with my ex!
I do not like to make a mess!

Should you would you in a house?
Should you would you lose your blouse?

Would you like it on the bed?
Or would you like the couch instead?

Would you like it on the floor?
Would you like to close the door?

Try it! Try it! You may see!
I do not like it! Let me be!

I do not want it in the house!
I do not want to lose my blouse!

I do not want it on the bed!
I do not want the couch instead!

I do not want it on the floor!
Now please go out and shut my door!

You should try it in the shower!
You should try it with a flower!

Try it! Try it! Find the mood!
Try it! Try it in the nude!

Try it! Try it fully dressed!
Try it! Like it! Please confess!

If I try it, will you leave?
Will you please just let me be?

Here, I will try sex with my ex.
And I do like it! I confess!

I will try it in the shower!
I will try it with a flower!

I will do her in a car!
Bend her over in a bar!

I will do it fully dressed!
I will kindly leave a mess.

And when I turn my sheets that night
My mess will greet me bright and white.

I'll mope and wonder what I did
And how this will affect my kid.

So tell me tell me if you will
Where's the payoff, what's the bill?

There is no payoff, that's the rut.
You were thinking with your nuts.

- Eric


Stephanie Lorée said...

This concerns me more than B is for Bloody Stripper. Perhaps because my Dr. Seuss childhood is being violated.

Way to violate my childhood, Eric. ;)

Loralie Hall said...

Well said.

Not sure if applause or hugs are more appropriate...

Matthew MacNish said...

I would, if I could, I should.

Jai Joshi said...

Eric, I don't know what to say. I'm still trying to imagine you in a blouse let alone losing it.


Stephanie said...'re the Naughty Suess!

Wendy Tyler Ryan said...

Eric, I am always humbled by anyone who can cause a writer to be speechless! ;)

dolorah said...

hehehehehhe :)

I do; I do like it.


Raquel Byrnes said...

You are so twisted...I'll never be able to read Green Eggs and Ham without blushing again!

This was great.
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Cindy said...

.. what Stephanie said!

Cindy said...

.. what Stephanie said!