Monday, February 15, 2010

Lemme sniff your crotch: A random meandering

If you could see black with shades of gray, would you say you can see? Or would you call yourself blind?

If you could hear a single note at a single tone, would you say you could hear? Or would you call yourself deaf?

That's how we smell, compared to a dog, that is.

See, a dog's sense of smell is 10,000 times more acute than a human's. For instance, if this were sight, then you'd be able to see one foot away, a dog would be able to see two miles away.

Get it? Still think you have a sense of smell? You're and idiot if you do.

A dog can smell an ounce of cocaine anywhere in your house, yet seventeen cops overlook it.

They can smell a person buried a dozen feet beneath a building when it's crawling with workers and their dead-ass noses full of snot from this season's allergies.

A dog can smell if you're pregnant, smell if you're sick, and they can even smell cancer.

Yes, a dog can smell cancer. Look it up. They do all this without an x-ray, MRI, catscan, or one day in medical school.

Two day trails through the woods, no problem. A deer can smell you from two hundred yards away. So can a bear and so can a hundred other animals. A shark can smell blood in the water, can't they.

And what can we smell with our little shnoz? Not a goddamned thing. And yet, we count sniffing as one of our senses!

Please tell me you're not still thinking you have a sense of smell!

We're such idiots. We don't have a fucking sense of smell.

Watch a dog next time you meet one. What's the first thing that dog does? He sniffs your ass! Puts his face right in your bunghole and takes a good whiff, doesn't he?

And if he sees some shit on the ground, what does the dog do? He stops and sniffs it out.

Why do they do that? Because that's how the world smells to them, that's how you smell to them. That's why a deer turns its head in the woods, why a dog runs when you fart, and why animals the world around shit to mark their territory.

You smell like shit. I smell like shit. We all smell like shit!

Believe me, that's the most odoriferous part your nasty-ass body, yes it is, yes it is.

Maybe that's why God took away our sense of smell.

So we can all walk around and act like our shit don't stink.

- Eric

No comments: