Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Zombie Sex and Hot Pistols

I took my son on his first pistol-shoot yesterday, at the local public gun range. He selected the zombie target, of course, and after he blew off the zombie's head, he then disabled the zombie's ability to reproduce.

And as he pulverized the zombie's man-parts, it got me to thinking.

My first thought was this: Do zombies have sex? Would a zombie couple have baby zombie children?

Like a good writer, I let my mind wander down that path, and another thought popped up: Would a zombie guy call it a stiffie? Get it? He's a stiff.

Does that make them necrophiliacs? Would a zombie nymphomaniac be a necronympho?

Still wandering and wondering along this forbidden path, methinks: I wonder what sounds the necronympho would make. Would she moan?

Of course she would moan. She would scream like crazy, wake the dead and all that fuss. She's a zombie. That's all she does.

So do zombie guys think zombie girls are always having orgasms, owing to the constant moaning?

Still farther I wandered and further I wondered, and methinks to meself: So if a zombie guy goes down on a zombie girl, does he eat her out? Literally?

Then I thought about what a zombie girl would do to the guy, and that brought me straight back to the reality of the gun range, and a screaming, bloody, undead target with a dozen 9mm holes in what used to be his genitalia.

And somehow zombie sex and hot pistols seem so logical a topic to ponderize together.

- Eric


Matthew MacNish said...

This is so full of win.

And another question, since zombies are so slow and shambling when they seek for brains, would their pelvic thrusts have to work the same?

dolorah said...

Sick Eric - and you too Matt.

But, completely made me laugh. I need something else to replace all this stiff imagery . .


Unknown said...

Too funny!! So yeah, thanks for putting these images in my mind. How am I supposed to write now, with a gutter-full of zombie boys eating out zombie girls, and slow, shambling pelvic thrusts? (*waves to Matt*). Or, maybe it'll muse has been known to have a filthy mind...

Roland D. Yeomans said...

The classic zombie is merely an animated corpse with no higher brain function. Alas, I think that particular apendage would be the first to wither and drop off! Ouch!

Alice Wentworth in my mythos is a ghoul and her libido is quite healthy, her Victorian sensiblilities not withstanding! Watch out, Victor!

Unknown said...

Shudder, shudder....

Anne Gallagher said...

You are SICK! Twisted, Depraved, and just plain weird.

But I gotta say, I loved this post. All that moaning. LOL