Thursday, May 6, 2010

Bad Girl: Meet CHAVEZ!

This is a BAD GIRL SCENE from Walk With Me Into the Darkness. It's my latest work, 2010.

From Write Runner's Bad Girl Blogfest: click

- Eric


A knock on the door startled both Lee and Victor. For some reason, Victor stuffed his beer into the hole Lee had punched through the motel wall, and then he stood there with his arms cocked as if ready to charge out the back door.

Debbie turned away from the sink and Lee stood up and looked over his shoulder at her. His red tee shirt with its yellow demon face didn't look so intimidating anymore. He drank his beer and steadied himself as he walked toward the door.

"Peanuts," Debbie said, loud, issuing their code word for trouble.

"Who's at the door?" Lee said. He wasn't talking to the door, but to Debbie, quietly. "Who is it?"

"It's peanuts," Debbie said again. She accented the second word, speaking it louder, and then shuffled past Victor and Lee and bent over and picked up her radio. "Peanuts peanuts peanuts!"

Debbie straightened and was about to open the door, but Lee stuck out one of his stick arms and shoved Debbie's chest and she fell against the bed. Debbie bounced back to her feet and then stepped out of arm's length from Lee, holding the radio between him and herself, her back against the far wall next to the bed. Lee leaned into the door and looked through the peephole. His mangled hair fragmented from his demented mind.

"They got it blocked," Lee said, turning to Victor. Victor moved closer to Lee and was reaching into the top drawer of the dresser when Lee said to the door, "Who is it?"

"It's Chavez," Debbie said. "You'd better open up before he loses his temper."

"Who's Chavez?" Lee said.

"He's the motherfucker," Debbie said.

Lee stood away from the door and motioned for Debbie to come over. "Get over here, bitch. Open the door."

Lee took a few steps back while Debbie unlocked the door. He kept Debbie between him and the door, and when Debbie looked back, she saw Victor was holding a large hunting knife in his hand. "I'm opening up," Debbie said. "Be cool. One guy's got a knife."

Debbie pulled open the door and the hot summer air poured in, and the cold air swept out. The temperature inside the room immediately changed when the boys saw a mirror image of Debbie standing there with both hands on the 9mm pistol. Debbie's twin sister put her foot inside the door and swept the pistol across the room.

"Damn, girl," Lee said. These were the same words he'd spoken when Debbie had arrived earlier and he'd realized how good-looking she was, but now the words had a different tone and an opposite meaning.

"Meet Chavez, boys," Debbie said. "He's the real motherfucker. Back up, back up, back up. And don't fucking look at me or my sister. Face the wall." Debbie ducked under the pistol and held her empty hand up, backing up Lee and Victor to the bathroom sink. "Stay there, now. Quit looking at me."

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Chavez is the 9mm pistol. It's what the girls call it, introduced earlier in the story. This may not be clear in the scene snippet.)


dolorah said...

Nah; not bad girl, so much. A really bitchin scene though. Cars are girl names, and guns have guy names. Sweet.

You got a better bad girl scene in this novel I'm sure; cuz these girls are smokin.


Andrew Rosenberg said...

Identical twins?? Damn you! That's my plot device!
Anyways a bit confusing, but I tots like the double Debbies.

Unknown said...


Chavez. That's great.

Olivia J. Herrell, writing as O.J. Barré said...

I like Chavez, he's the real MF, good! Not sure what's happening in the overall story, but I like the scene.

That Rebel, Olivia :)

Raquel Byrnes said...

"His mangled hair fragmented from his demented mind."

Love the way you wrangle words.

Oh, and twin bad girls...with a gun nanmed Chavez! Classic.

Mine is named Sancho! Tee Hee, I thought I was the only twisted cookie in this bunch.

Great post.

Lola Sharp said...

Dude, now I want a gun, just so I can name it!;)

I name everything else, my car, random appliances, my MacBook, plants, blankets. Now I need a gun!