Monday, January 30, 2012

Are babies just like drunk people?

Let us analyze that statement, just for fun. I have a baby, so it makes me wonder, see.

First off, I will challenge the reader to dispute that babies and drunks don't waddle the same waddle. It's a back-and-forth almost-tumble that makes you wonder if they aren't walking down the aisle of a bus going sixty down a bumpy winding backroad.

When they kiss, it's all slobbery.

Neither one is afraid to piss in public.

Everything is hilarious. Bodily function-noises -- e.g. the Zurburt or the Rasberry -- are fan favorites.

They want to ~touch~ everything.

Either one is prone to scream in the middle of Wal Mart.

I wouldn't trust either one to drive a car or a golf cart. That's a good one, eh!

Both throw-up on themselves and think nothing of it.

Both will walk through the house naked, or out into the yard for that matter.

You can't understand a dang thing either one says!

How about you? Any other similarities I missed?

- Eric


Anne Gallagher said...

This is just too funny. I peed my pants laughing and I'm not drunk!

Let us not forget the beer farts, or baby farts. They both stink to high heaven.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

Both require a babysitter.

This reminds me of one of Dennis Leary's routines where he compares kids to drunken midgets.

Wine and Words said...

:) You're absolutely right. The similarities will never go unnoticed again.

Matthew MacNish said...

Nailed it.

Raquel Byrnes said...

You are so strange. :) Love how you look at the world. Screaming in Walmart...been there. In both instances.

Phoenix said...

Considering I am somewhat bewildered and uncomfortable by both, yes, now that you point it out, the similarities are striking.

Babies are somewhat less sexually aggressive than drunks, I would say, although I have had a baby grab my boobs, so there goes that theory. And unlike a drunk person, I absolutely cannot under any circumstances punch a baby in the face for sexually accosting me.

Babies and drunks are also very, very dangerous with iPhones. I know a baby that grabbed their dad's iPhone and dialed the dad's boss. Luckily, the boss is also a parent, so he was more amused than anything.


dolorah said...

They pack a bottle in the same manner too. I love it when they bump into things and have to turn around and start again.