So I lost my missionary position, but that's all right, it was entry-level anyway and kinda boring.
I found an ad in the paper for a boob job, went and applied, they said I didn't meet their minimum applicant requirements, so I went next door, where they had a new blow job opening. That one fit me, and they sent me back next door to help with the boob job, but I didn't last long and had trouble getting up the second day and I wound up getting laid off.
After that I went downtown to the government offices to apply for a hand job.
"You can do this at home," she said, "but the pay's not that high."
I told her I didn't mind the low pay -- something beats nothing, right -- and since I can set my own hours and work at my own pace, I've managed to squeeze out a lot more than she probably thought I could.
I'm an over-achiever like that.