tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post3702201080401053790..comments2024-03-09T02:15:11.120-08:00Comments on Eric W. Trant: BODY LANGUAGE Blogfest: Scene from Walk With MeEric W. Tranthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842968931062056407noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-17631329791361055972010-04-27T17:16:36.782-07:002010-04-27T17:16:36.782-07:00Thanks, Phoenix! Looking forward to reading some o...Thanks, Phoenix! Looking forward to reading some of your work.<br /><br /> - EricEric W. Tranthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13842968931062056407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-32383836085985261632010-04-27T15:06:13.646-07:002010-04-27T15:06:13.646-07:00I think this story is fantastic - very well writte...I think this story is fantastic - very well written and I like the little amount of dialogue for what the situation is. I think that, given what I think is a fairly serious problem of being stuck in a bog, dialogue to self or to the dog would be useless and a character would want to focus on action. I'm definitely like you in the "show me, don't tell me" department :)Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07477498671080132176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-52676655680584010062010-04-27T11:51:54.976-07:002010-04-27T11:51:54.976-07:00Clara: T.h.a.n.k.s.!
- EricClara: T.h.a.n.k.s.!<br /><br /> - EricEric W. Tranthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13842968931062056407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-65914913362888263112010-04-27T11:38:18.428-07:002010-04-27T11:38:18.428-07:00Awesome job. A.w.e.s.o.m.e!Awesome job. A.w.e.s.o.m.e!Clarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00062728322162370588noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-46024564000321513612010-04-26T11:43:45.914-07:002010-04-26T11:43:45.914-07:00Charity, thanks! Red Fern is still my all-time fav...Charity, thanks! Red Fern is still my all-time favorite book. Most of my stories have dogs in them, and close-knit siblings, and the woods. It's what I know.<br /><br /> - EricEric W. Tranthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13842968931062056407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-82335833524892485252010-04-26T11:19:39.803-07:002010-04-26T11:19:39.803-07:00Oh, I enjoyed this. It made me think of the first ...Oh, I enjoyed this. It made me think of the first time I read Where the Red Fern Grows. I actually love dog books!<br /><br />Very nice details, I could feel the mud tugging on my legs.Charity Bradfordhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01960821077619680661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-37310768642188266862010-04-25T15:15:45.913-07:002010-04-25T15:15:45.913-07:00Sharon, sorry, I missed you in my original respons...Sharon, sorry, I missed you in my original response. I tried to capture a general dog's reluctance to do something they know is stupid. It's funny to watch dogs, because you do something and they refuse to follow. Really, it shows who's the smarter breed, doesn't it.<br /><br /> - EricEric W. Tranthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13842968931062056407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-50663245443068402132010-04-25T15:12:11.526-07:002010-04-25T15:12:11.526-07:00Jai, thanks for the feedback! Writing action witho...Jai, thanks for the feedback! Writing action without dialogue is a necessary evil, I'm afraid. Sometimes you ~need~ the action to tell the story (show the story).<br /><br />Harley, thank you for not moderating my comment owing to dialogue. I'd be curious as to your fine-toothed comb on some of my work.<br /><br />Jen, Thanks for your comment. When you're running your alphabet soup posts next time, lemme know. I sure wish I'd've caught that one from A-onward.<br /><br />To the readers about the dog's tail: I am taking your advice and modifying that bit in my copy. The dog will still react with a violent snap, but I will make the yank on his tail more clear.<br /><br />Thanks all for the comments, and please keep em coming. The only way to improve is to listen to your readers!<br /><br /> - EricEric W. Tranthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13842968931062056407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-12687352277983056572010-04-25T12:24:37.155-07:002010-04-25T12:24:37.155-07:00Great post, I was intrigued from the beginning!
T...Great post, I was intrigued from the beginning!<br /><br />Thanks for visiting my blog! U is for Unedited... wish I would have thought about that beforehand.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03667521490706435608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-59644194851848638572010-04-25T11:25:08.142-07:002010-04-25T11:25:08.142-07:00Great post! I agree with Sharon - the real convers...Great post! I agree with Sharon - the real conversation was done with, so that one line didn't matter much in the grand scheme of what happened.Anastasia V. Pergakishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03350626962513824401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-45603076495943799792010-04-25T10:58:11.517-07:002010-04-25T10:58:11.517-07:00Eric,
I was totally into the story, visualising t...Eric,<br /><br />I was totally into the story, visualising the mud and the boy stuck in it. <br /><br />Then when I got to the end and the dialogue I was like: "Wait a minute!" and then I scrolled up and saw that you'd admitted to having it already. Made me chuckle.<br /><br />It's a useful tool to be able to convey so much in action and body language but dialogue and internal dialogue are good tools too.<br /><br />Very interesting post.<br /><br />JaiJai Joshihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04858987106548357551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-64338842740182364112010-04-25T10:43:05.888-07:002010-04-25T10:43:05.888-07:00Very good! I loved Whiskey's reluctance to ge...Very good! I loved Whiskey's reluctance to get in the mud. It reminded me very much of how my dogs act - of course for them it's going out in the rain :) I didn't mind the snippet of dialogue at the end - the conversation was already done with.Sharon Axlinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03881713618480705096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-87880655624952459032010-04-25T02:19:50.970-07:002010-04-25T02:19:50.970-07:00Roland, thanks. I originally did not have dialogue...Roland, thanks. I originally did not have dialogue at all for Henry until about midway through the book, and then for two chapters, then not again until the end. This seemed too sparse -- I wanted the reader the hear Henry -- and so I added the dialogue.<br /><br />F&M, I kinda thought the same thing about the dialogue. No response is the same as talking to yourself.<br /><br />Andrew, you think the dog would LIKE me to pull his tail! Maybe the other dog, his brother, Scotch, would have let that slide, but not Whiskey. (Scotch is not shown in this scene.) This dog is based on an actual dog we used to have. Yeah. He'd've bit us for sure. Perhaps I didn't portray how <i>hard</i> Henry was pulling that tail.<br /><br />Raquel, thanks! I thought the leeches was cliche and almost cut it. Maybe not.<br /><br />KM, Oh yeah this is a dog book, and a lost boy book, and a lost girl book. Both my readers have already cried reading it.<br /><br />Amalia, Some of my characters talk to themselves. Another character would've been whispering, or internalizing, but Henry was silent to me, both in head and mouth. The opening scene of the book is this: <a href="http://diggingwiththeworms.blogspot.com/2010/03/excerpt-from-latest-work.html" rel="nofollow">click</a>. He's silent throughout, doesn't say much even when others are around to speak it.<br /><br />Donna, This is a moderately true story. We got stuck in the mud plenty, though usually to the shins and knees, and we used vines and friends to pull ourselves out. The dog would've bit us if we'd grabbed his tail, even playing, and he'd've killed anything that got near us. This ain't a suburban lap dog. He's a mutt country dog who keeps that property line true. Big difference. Now if it'd been a she-dog, I agree, no biting.<br /><br />Sarah, I'll check yours out and see about your dialogue, too. You're right that the motion is the essence, not the dialogue, and in fact my original scene did not have that one line of dialogue.<br /><br />Thanks all for stopping by! Keep the comments coming, good, bad, and ugly.<br /><br /> - EricEric W. Tranthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13842968931062056407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-59443880719831772612010-04-24T23:03:17.231-07:002010-04-24T23:03:17.231-07:00I liked your description of the mud, Eric.
I have...I liked your description of the mud, Eric.<br /><br />I have dialogue in mine, as well, which I guess I got called on; honestly, I didn't think anything of it, when I included it. I think that the essence of your scene is not the dialogue, but the body language, and that's what's important. So, no worries.Just Another Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07589166715361819941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-59933908053073345812010-04-24T22:31:38.894-07:002010-04-24T22:31:38.894-07:00Very vivid; I kept rubbing my leg to get the mud o...Very vivid; I kept rubbing my leg to get the mud off.<br /><br />I liked the intensity in this, and the conflict. Excellent pacing.<br /><br />I too felt the dog wanting to bite the boy was out of character for the dog. Even if he didn't want to go in the mud, he would have sensed the Henry's danger and put up with the tail pulling.<br /><br />Is this one of those true stories? Did your dog turn on you?<br /><br />Well written scene, Eric. I enjoyed it.<br /><br />.......dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-84525361565644519172010-04-24T15:55:37.540-07:002010-04-24T15:55:37.540-07:00You definitely didn't need any dialogue in thi...You definitely didn't need any dialogue in this scene, that's for sure. <br /><br />It's interesting to me that you feel so strongly about keeping your character relatively silent-- I think if I were that isolated, I would be talking to myself quite a bit, considering I already do :)Amalia Dillinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13005039978668326144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-5554845683487521762010-04-24T13:55:11.148-07:002010-04-24T13:55:11.148-07:00Oh no, is this a DOG book?! I can't handle tho...Oh no, is this a DOG book?! I can't handle those. It's the fastest way to make me cry. lol<br /><br />Good scene, though. :)Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06851403823244758904noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-80829303191774415372010-04-24T13:03:06.507-07:002010-04-24T13:03:06.507-07:00That was a great line about the leaves like leeche...That was a great line about the leaves like leeches. Great job with the scene...I didn't mind the dialogue.Raquel Byrneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12870113745683162915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-42155058330959496562010-04-24T08:27:57.102-07:002010-04-24T08:27:57.102-07:00That's okay, I have a couple lines of dialog i...That's okay, I have a couple lines of dialog in my entry too...<br />I'm not convinced by the dog's actions tho...he wouldn't turn against Henry..he would try to be super nice as if the tail-pulling was a punishment. But of course a squirrel carcass forgives all sins. :) Squirrel!!<br />Also I was confused by the woodpecker vs woodpecker heart. Was there a bird or no?<br />Anyways, nice lack of dialog! I hardly miss it.Andrew Rosenberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09215333688753781447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-24133633043680309362010-04-24T07:06:37.688-07:002010-04-24T07:06:37.688-07:00I guess it doesn't count as dialogue if the pe...I guess it doesn't count as dialogue if the person doesn't get a response??? Maybe??? I liked this, though... The description drew me in step by step... It was very engaging.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-87818646493303307352010-04-24T01:41:09.475-07:002010-04-24T01:41:09.475-07:00You drew me right in. Your words fit the scene per...You drew me right in. Your words fit the scene perfectly. But I thought there wasn't supposed to be any spoken words? <br /><br />Come check out my body language entry and see what you think, RolandRoland D. Yeomanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00338410857990551352noreply@blogger.com