tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post5366360590929336980..comments2024-03-09T02:15:11.120-08:00Comments on Eric W. Trant: Exerpt from Walk With Me Into the DarknessEric W. Tranthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842968931062056407noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5779183012658025206.post-4413157752222477032010-06-21T18:15:11.833-07:002010-06-21T18:15:11.833-07:00Great opening. I was hooked.
But the phrase "...Great opening. I was hooked.<br /><br />But the phrase "Daddy" made me think a small child had found his father, something I thought for a while, until I read he jumped down to grab a machete. The son didn't seem particularly emotional either, which was odd to me.<br /><br />Sentences like "His pants were damp and smelled of urine mixed into the musky reek of shit and a decomposing body." and "His father's tongue had exploded from his mouth. So had his eyes from his skull. The man's face was the color of an over-ripe plum, puffed with pungent juices." are more tell than show, and it may be nicer to find those thing out from the son's perspective.LAFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11020587104012952426noreply@blogger.com